I have had a very mixed week with some real lows but I am still here sustained by great friendship and support from those angels masquerading as human beings out there. Let me give a shout out right now to my step-daughter, my blogger friends, my Groovy Mums, a former colleague and her daughter who I knew when she was about 10 but is now clearly a very feisty and wise woman indeed. If I have not yet responded to you, it is only because I am reflecting very deeply on what you have said. I really do appreciate you reaching out to me.

I actually feel very much back on the up so here is the lovely stuff this week.

1. I have visited the cinema twice in one week seeing 2D and 3d films with the children and Him indoors. There is something so much more exciting about going to the pictures than watching a film on the telly.

2. Half Term has gone OK on the whole with little in the way of sibling squabbling and the more challenging parts of holidays. Baking, gardening, soft play centre and shopping have all featured to good effect. Him Indoors took time off work which makes it all a lot easier.

3. Today, I received my formal invitation to become a Trustee of the Local Voluntary and Community Services organisation. This will get me some evenings away from the house and test my little old brain too. It will be great to make connections in what looks like it is now very much where we want to settle for now.

4. My Dad has bought the children commemorative coins for the Queen’s Jubilee thingy. It is such a lovely thought and they will be treasured for a lifetime I am sure. Dad is so thoughtful and I am lucky to have him.

5. My work on the Charity Connections Blogging It Forward group over on Britmums is going really well. So many charities and good causes are keen to be involved which is really heartening. Bloggers are also both joining the group and working out which causes might appeal to them most. It is all good. Two bloggers will be attending a celebrity event this weekend so it is a fun thing to get involved with. Find out more over on http://britmums.com

6. I have sorted out a little niggling financial issue.

7. Him Indoors is trying to give up smoking for Lent and does not seem to be doing all that badly even if I know he is sneaking the odd one. Cutting down is something to celebrate. I have also made a Lenten promise but can’t tell you what it is without breaking the promise.

8. I am very much back on track on the healthy eating front.

I think that will do for now.

Pop over to http://mdplife.blogspot.com and see some more folks telling you just why they have smiles pinned on their faces.

There are always positives even in the darkest weeks so do consider giving Reasons To Be Cheerful a go too.

When my youngest son started school, I was advised to just relax for a year. Looking back, I don’t think that was the best advice.

When you have had years and years of your life consisting only of cleaning and childcare, rediscovering yourself is a challenge.

You have the day available from half past eight in the morning until a quarter to four in the afternoon. Hours when you could be doing something constructive. So why does it not happen?

It might sound extreme but apparently when lifers (prisoners with life sentences) go from closed conditions to open prisons, many refuse to go very far at all in the prison grounds never mind further afield. Their comfort zone has become limited after years of confinement. They can only take a few steps day by day. Having worked in prisons, this is not me talking daft by the way. It is a recognised phenomena. I think this happens to some stay at home mums too when presented with time and freedom.

On Coronation Street this week, Katie said how she could not even remember what music she liked after just a few weeks of parenting. What happens 2 years, 5 years or 10 years later?

In September, I set up Groovy Mums and that has certainly helped me move forwards. Whether it has helped others seems a little unclear to me at the moment.

So there is progress but there are too many days that drift. Today and this is very unusual these days, I stayed in my pyjamas until 4 in the afternoon. Nothing to do, nowhere to go, why bother? I dug deep and now am changed into clean clothes and smelling rather lovely if I do say so myself.

I wonder whether I should set myself timetables for day like I would if I was in a job. Otherwise, it is way too easy for life to consist of housework and daytime telly.

Even when I think about writing the timetable, it feels daunting. How do I fill my days with positive things? Which is odd because I know I want to walk, exercise, read, plan a business and so on.

Does anyone else have days that just seem to drift away with nothing much achieved? How can that be changed?

I know her a little bit. She is one of the mums from my children’s school. We have done two after-school classes in the same group. She is the one who would smile encouragingly when I misbehaved or made political statements.

I can tell she is a little irreverent and incorrigible. That appeals to me. She is smart and sassy but obviously not up herself either.

I heard her mouth the word “wanker” about an idiot at a school event. She did it so subtly and sort of in my direction. Perhaps she likes me as much as I like her.

Him Indoors thinks I am daft. He says I will still be referring to her as my best friend who isn’t yet in 2 years time.

As for me, I think one day we will be thrown together for a length of time and become buddies.

Do you ever have that sense that you have met a kindred spirit?

When I got home, I had an email from a mum I got to know a little bit 2 years ago. I have not heard from her for over 18 months. I am hoping she might turn into another best friend that isn’t yet. She must have remembered me and made contact for some reason.

Then there are the bloggers I might meet very soon.

I may go from zero real-life friends to countless wonderful ones soon. Wouldn’t that be lovely?

How is it going for me this week?

1. I have still not made the telephone call about driving lessons which is so very self-sabotaging. I need a kick up the bum so please provide one.

2. I quite fancy going for a walk on my own in the sunshine. However, I won’t because I think I am too responsible in some ways. My children are here. Their Dad has taken time off work today and yet, I won’t allow myself half a hour’s slack. What is that about?

3. I have signed up to the Mumpreneur online course and also invested in “Home-based Business for Dummies”. It is glaringly obvious that the best working life for me would be to paddle my own canoe. Maybe this is a start?

4. I decided what I wanted to do on Saturday (lunch out, shopping, cinema) and did it. The previous Friday, I also went to the theatre to see Macbeth with my son. These are huge moves for me, deciding what I want to do and then making it happen.

5. I am to meet with representatives of the Joe Bingley Memorial Foundation to find out if and how I might help.

6. My Britmums role is going well with some lovely feedback. I did make a mistake with it last week but I tackled the issue professionally which reminded me that I have not lost all my skills.

7. I got a telephone call from the local Voluntary and Community Services centre. My Dad brought the telephone in from the annexe and it was such a bad line. I could work out who it was and that I wanted to impress them but that is difficult when you have an atrocious line. Apparently, it was because Dad’s phone thing will only have good reception within 100 yards of something. However, I am a technophobe so could not work that out. We tried to communicate to no avail and she said she would ring back. Add to that 3 children getting their teas whilst fighting off the chocolate labrador who had got into the room. Aaargh! Then she said she would try again in half a hour. Typical, this was going to be in the middle of my steak dinner lovingly prepared by Him Indoors. It did, however, allow me to clear the room of various children and other animals. When she rang back, I used my own handset and the line was crystal clear as was her message. “We want to invite you to be a Trustee. We are blown away by your skills and experiences. We consider ourselves very lucky indeed to have you on board”. I did try to get over to her that I am a stay at home Mum who does not quite live up to my CV despite what it says but she would have none of it.

Although that is far from a 100 per cent record on getting my groove back, I think there are steps in the right direction.

If you would like to have a go at shaking things up for yourself a bit, read this http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/how-to-be-a-groovy-mum/

Also, do you think it would be best for me to post a challenge per day or to list them all at once? I am concerned the challenges list is a bit daunting to anyone who is new to all this despite me always saying they are optional. What do you think? There that will do as a Mind Challenge for this week. How should Groovy Mums change and develop?

You can answer that in a comment, tweet or via email to kateonthinice@gmail.com

Don’t forget to leave a supportive comment too as it helps me to focus on continuing this rather exciting journey towards a whole new me.

I have to answer the following probing questions. Hopefully the revelations therein will bring sunshine into your chill, dank February.

Favourite colour: Purple. Used in my wedding invitations and so on because both myself and Him Indoors like it. I also like orange a lot and used to have a bright orange shirt when I was about 17 and I still miss it.

Favourite animal: I love my Labrador dogs although they can be stressful. So maybe my cat Max who causes me no hassle whatsoever. I also love watching seals and penguins.

Favourite non-alcoholic drink: Coke because you can put it with rum. Fresh orange juice on a good day.

Facebook or Twitter: Twitter. I love it most when people are creative with it. It is fabulous that people can access gossip, support or whatever they need 24 hours a day and get that sense of connection. I have never quite “got” Facebook with all those daft games that are supposed to give meaning to life in some way. I also don’t like that whole language about “friends” when often they aren’t.

Favourite number: 11 is one of them and the other is top secret.

Favourite day of the week: I don’t think I have one. Whatever day I can get out and live a life will do me.

Getting or giving presents: Rather than the actual giving, I love the listening to a person, working out what they would love and then making it happen. Orirent Express trip for my parents and Grand Prix tickets for Him Indoors are two that stand out. I like getting presents too particularly from my eldest son who chooses really well.

Favourite pattern – Anything atmospheric, vibrant and swirly. Oh and my bedroom wallpaper as it is quite boudoir looking.

Favourite flower: Carnations as the first type of flowers a man bought me. Yes, once upon a time, someone actually did.

Now I have to pass this on to some other bloggers so who will it be on this one?

http://itshowlifeis.blogspot.com

http://the1970sdiet.blogspot.com/

http://www.glasgowmummy.blogspot.com/

http://applepiewithwensleydale.wordpress.com/2011/11/03/hello-world/

That will do for now as I have other tag things to complete. Tags are a bit like buses, you don’t see one for ages and then they all come along at once.

Hoping your day is full of sunny things.

I have not had the greatest week. I think when you are months into the weight loss thing, it can get a bit boring.

When bored in whatever way, it is so easy to eat all the fattening foods. I have also over-induldged on the booze front which tends to lead to low moods.

However, there is a commitment to do better and to forgive myself when I have a blip week

I have done a big internet shop buying in lots of very good food in terms of fruit, vegetables and other healthy meal alternatives. This is good as it will stop me being tempted when out and about with my Dad at the supermarket. Knowing I have full fridges, freezers and cupboards will stop me making daft purchases.

I still can’t seem to nail the exercise thing. I want to make it a habit as it will help me get out more and also is reputed to give you a surge of those feel-good endorphin type things which I can certainly do with.

How do you change from couch potato to exercise babe?

These days, I don’t get down-hearted by falling off the wagon on the healthy eating for a while as I know this is a long-haul journey and will succeed in the end. It is still also important to note all the weight lost so far and baggy trousers.

Which leads to me another point. How come since I have lost weight every item of clothing I fancy in the charity shop is a size 20 or above? Who said life was fair?

For mums who are jogging along in an attempt to lose their mum tums, check out #mumentum on the New Mum Online blog. Read all about it by clicking here http://newmumonline.blogspot.com/2012/02/mumentum-lose-your-mum-tum-in-2012.html

1. I can delete the offending post but that would hardly fit with being open and honest on here.

2. I can explain what went wrong.

On Saturday, I had the loveliest day out with my two older children. We shopped, we lunched and we went to see Puss in Boots at the cinema. I felt free and realised I am entering a new period where my children are becoming my team-mates offering up really interesting company and fun.

Him Indoors collected me and we went home. I was really looking forward to a cuppa and a sit down after a fair few hours out and about.

I don’t know about you but when we return home with 3 children, there is always a little bit of chaos in terms of sorting out coats and shoes, putting away shopping and the like. As soon as we got in, Him Indoors came out of the kitchen saying “Your Dad says YOUR dogs have rioted”. For some reason that even I can’t work out, I saw red. It was something about reminding me how no matter what goes wrong in this house, is it always MY fault. The flipside to that is that Him Indoors in particular rarely says “It looks lovely in here” etc. When I complain about the lack of feedback on housework, I get asked “What do you want me to do? Come home and do an inspection?” Nope but I would like my efforts to be appreciated and verbally. That might make me unreasonable but it is how I feel.

When I calmed down, I found out that the actual (really rather small issue and not a riot at all) was that the dogs had helped themselves to a tub of butter that Him Indoors had left out. Which might lead someone to conclude (although I couldn’t possibly comment) that it was HIS fault, not mine.

I know this is not the case but it felt like my whole pleasant day was trampled on as if I was to be punished for having a nice time.

I had a drink then and Doctor Bacardi does not help when I am feeling down. He reminds me of Him Indoor’s past misdemenours and then I think I am not valued at all.

Has Him Indoors cheated on me? Not as far as I know and I actually do believe he has remained faithful, if you mean has he ever done the deed with another woman. What he has done is sign up to dating sites apparently when confronted out of “boredom”. He did not contact women and merely browsed profiles. It eats away at me even though he has apparently given it up. It is that whole trust thing plus the fact that he did it for the first time two weeks after my mother died. Then there is the fact that having got caught once and me explaining just how bad it made me feel, he did it again. And has now stopped again but for how long?

I can’t get my head around it. Either you cheat or if it is a trivial little game that hurts your partner, why would you repeat it? I can’t see how that is respectful. Perhaps I set the bar too high or too low? I don’t know and I don’t have a circle of friends around me to ask.

So as you can see, despite all the lovely comments about how I am valued in the outside and blogging world, that does not seem to apply in quite the same way here.

Will I be defeated? I resolve here and now not to be. I have crawled up for years in the aftermath of post-natal depression and I will not go back to that dark place. I have skills and talent. I have a caring spirit. I can and do make a difference. I will not let one person however close and however loved by me and loving of me, drag me down to blackness with his, frankly, childish behaviour.

I am hoping we can draw a line and move on positively. I have told him what I want. Now for a new journey where we see not if I measure up but whether he does.

Thanks again for the huge amount of supportive comments and tweets I received. The future’s bright because the future is in my hands.

Why do I do that?

Because I can’t quite believe it, because yet again I have been taken in, because it embarrasses me?

I don’t want you to know that I am perceived as useless and worthless? Ugly, not good enough. A countless range of better options for them.

I am tired of being blamed for everything and found wanting. Every little perceived flaw being highlighted but all my efforts being ignored.

There is a world out there that tells me I am at least OK and soemtimes good.

In the inner world, I don’t measure up. I get mistreated and demeaned. Apparently, if this is not a woman’s lot in life, it is mine.

Me! The one who thought I would break the mould and make the grade. How very ironic?

I cry, I feel sad, I lose hope.

I am not good enough.

Who am I trying to kid? If those closest to me do not value me, why try and impress others?

There are those who are loved, geniunely and wholeheartedly and then there are people like me who don’t quite measure up.

Here are the questions that I am asked to tackle.

1: If you could be anyone else for the day, who would you choose and why?

I have no idea who it is but they would have money so I could buy my forever home by the sea and support family members. They would have prestige in the world and they would be carefree, vivacious and confident in social situations. Any suggestions?

2: What is your favourite ice cream flavour?

Chocolate. Is there any other flavour?

3: If you could time travel to any period of history what era would you visit?

The Fifties. I love the fashions and the music and think life was simpler for women back then.

4: If you had to live without either cheese or chocolate, which one would you never have again?

Chocolate. I like chocolate a lot but cheese is a passion. Cheese ice-cream may have to be invented.

5: If you were an animal….what animal would you be?

A Labrador dog so I can eat, sleep and play and nothing else.

6: What super power would you most want to have?

The power to get anywhere I wanted to be by twitching my nose.

7: If you had to be genetically modified, would you rather have a third arm, a third leg, a second head or some other modification???

I would like to have detachable ears so when I want quiet, I can get it.

8: Which song do you think you sing best?

Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen.

9: On a scale of 1-10, how good a dancer do you rate yourself to be?

I am scared to dance in front of other people. I hate that about myself as I am well aware I miss out on so much fun. Probably a 4.

10: Which film have you watched the most times? (Do not include films played over and over to appease your kids!)

Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistlestop Cafe. The secret’s in the sauce.

11: Which Disney character can you most relate to? (I like to think I’m most like geeky, bookish, brunette Belle…which technically makes Ian a beast! Rawr!!)

Donald Duck as he has both good and bad points. He tries to let the good shine through but often screws up. Yes, I relate to that.

Here are the questions I would like the bloggers I tag to answer.

1. If you could wave a magic wand and change one thing about mums’ lives today, what would it be and why?

2. How many hours or minutes of housework do you do per day?

3. If you could change careers, what would you change to?

4. What is your favourite cocktail?

5. What is your claim to fame?

6. What is the quirkiest object in your home?

7. Charity Shop Or Designer Boutique?

8. How many hours of the day are you away from your own house?

9. What is your guilty pleasure?

10. Retro or Modern?

11. What is the one challenge you are most proud of overcoming?

I am tagging the following 11 bloggers …

http://itshowlifeis.blogspot.com/

http://dichotomyof.wordpress.com/

http://ourpeagreenpod.blogspot.com/

http://slummytoyummymummy.wordpress.com/

http://aresidence.co.uk/

http://missielizzie-meandmyshadow.blogspot.com/

http://adventuresofamiddle-agedmatron.blogspot.com/

http://mummyplum.blogspot.com/

http://aspergersinfo.wordpress.com/

http://www.caughtwriting.co.uk/

http://theramblingpages.blogspot.com/

Here are the rules.

The Rules:

You must post these rules.
Each person must post 11 things about herself on their blog.
Answer the questions the “tagger” listed for you in her post, and create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
Choose 11 people to tag and link to them in the post.
Let each blogger know that you have tagged them.

Also please leave a comment for me after you have joined in so I can take a look at your answers.

I am not one who fancies those bone china mugs either. Mine are of the solid and chunky variety.

I have far too many mugs due to two recent events at which my children kept winning them.

However, here are my 5 that may or may not say something about me.

This one was bought as it made me laugh seeing as how I run the Groovy Mums blog hop. This is the blog hop that can really claim to change your life. Read all about it by clicking http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/how-to-be-a-groovy-mum/ What do you reckon? Am I the world’s grooviest chick?

This one arrived this week for what should be fairly obvious reasons.

This one was left as a pressie for us when we moved in. It says “I am not bossy. I just have better ideas” It is too small and posh for my liking but I like the sentiment.

This is one that amuses me and I am leaving you to guess what the other side says. The side you can see says “Just not that old!”

Finally, there is my very favourite mug of all time. It was bought in France and was a curvy shape in a lovely blue glaze. It had the word Madamoiselle on it and I loved it to bits. The problem was that a college friend dropped it in 1987. He promised to replace it but never did. I intend to bring this up at the college reunion this year now that Listography has reminded me of my sad loss.

If you would like to see a shot of my mug, click here http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/who-is-kate-and-why-is-she-on-thin-ice/

Now go thee forth to the Kate Takes 5 blog because if you don’t, you are a real mug. Click here http://katetakes5.blogspot.com/2012/02/listography-mugs.html