Difficult times

I am half hoping nobody reads this as I feel awful about keep going on and on about the tough stuff.

I know so many people are facing harder times but we are struggling a bit to keep upbeat all the time with this so-and-so ing redundancy situation.

We have both had redundancy situations in the past but always because of funding issues in the charities we worked for.  That is hard but not hurtful as in the current situation where the Royal British Legion have dumped my husband after so many years of loyal service and whilst recruiting other staff to do very similar roles (they would argue that point of course).

My husband has had two weeks of travelling up and down the UK trying to find work.  Interviews most days and sometimes twice a day.  No job offer and he is clearly struggling emotionally.  And he hates that.   He is not a person who is comfortable in sharing his feelings so they get bottled up and then express themselves in anger and impatience.

He is tired.  He is worried about finances.

The final straw came when we were told our car can only be put back on the road if we spend £1000 or more.  We need the car really to attend interviews.  Also it is my late Dad’s car and somehow that still matters to me.

I feel like I am walking on egg shells.

And I am a proud person who does not react well when I feel got at or put down.  To much like my late Mum in that regard.

Am I the most supportive wife in the world?  No – I have always been better at taking practical action to help rather than doing the “there, there” stuff.

Also when someone struggles to tell you how they feel, it is hard to know quite how to support them.

So I have put my efforts into trawling job sites and helping with job applications (quite a lot as it goes).

I am also trying to find bits of work for me to keep the wolf from the door.

There is also the underlying resentment that I was not listened to when I saw the warning signs that my husband would have been better to jump ship from the Legion months or years ago.  That makes me rotten I know but it is there and sometimes it is expressed by me in perhaps not the most ideal ways.

I have suggested my husband sees the GP.  He is probably depressed and maybe needs a little help for now.

How terrible of me who has experienced depression to not have a clue what to say or do to support someone in its grip.

We will be OK in the medium to long-term.  We have to hold onto that belief but sometimes it is hard to do.

 

 

9 thoughts on “Difficult times

  1. Sounds like you are having a really hard time and of course you should write about it. Also, depression is hard to cope with for anyone. Just because you have been through it doesn’t make it easier to cope with when loved ones are suffering. I wish I could make things alright for you. All I can really do is say keep going, keep writing and it will be ok in the end. One step at a time lovely lady. You are there for your husband and thats what counts. Thinking of you and sending love. Sarah x

  2. You’re doing great by your man, Kate, although it might not feel like it. Just by being there and being pro-active. Encourage him to talk about how he’s feeling and yes, it does sound like a doctors trip might be beneficial. You will all get through this, it’ll just take time x

  3. I really feel for you both, sometimes life can be so unfair. I am sure your husband knows you are right behind him. All the ‘there there’s ‘ in the world won’t find him a job but you are actively trying to do just that. That is real love. We can’t all be up beat all the time, you are only human so don’t beat yourself up. Take time out to have a cuppa together away from the family and encourage him to talk to you and tell you how he is feeling and tell him how you are feeling for him. A trouble shared, and all that. You will pull through and you will both be stronger for it, but it is so hard at the moment.
    I know all your readers feel your pain and wish you well. xx

  4. I’m so sorry Kate. I’m a new reader so don’t want to say anything obvious or patronising but didn’t want to not comment either. Get your husband to see the doctor if you can convince him and i really, really hope you all get that break soon x

  5. Having been through something similar – I can empathise. Hang in there, it will get better. I had a horrible time leading up to my redundancy, in retrospect it was all so obvious but I was so immersed in work and trying to maintain various balls in the air, I didn’t see the wood for the trees. I didn’t listen to anyone because I knew how it all worked, I worked there didn’t I? They shafted me and my job became a similar job that suddenly I wasn’t suitable for. It’s a very exhausting processes. Sometimes, it’s just hard. Don’t be too hard on yourself either, sounds like you are doing a sterling job at being supportive through difficult times. Well done you.

  6. Some times all you can do is be there, and don’t underestimate the power of that, accepting someone for who and what they are. Cliche, but everyone’s sadness/depression is unique….try to work on the small things, find something to enjoy, however small and, given time,the bigger picture will come together. It is an absolutely exhausting and sould destroying process, just hang on to knowledge the two of you are worth more.

  7. Hang in their Kate it will get better. It may be difficult to see the wood from the trees at times but you will come out the other side. You’re probably being too hard on yourself too. I’m a firm believer in what happens happens for a reason so I’m sure there will be something better for your husband around the corner. Try and get time together if you can, maybe outdoors – a bit of fresh air works wonders 🙂

  8. Really feel for you in the situation you are in Kate, sometimes all the s*%t seems to come at once. I think doing practical stuff at a time like this is very sensible, you are showing your support without crowding your husband with attention that he may well not want or be able to deal with at the moment, especially if he is depressed. Keep on keeping on, I look forward to reading that things are moving in the right direction in future posts x

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