My personal highs and lows of 2012

Here’s a little blog prompt I came up with yesterday were my personal highs and lows of 2012?

1. What was your happiest event?

Against all odds, I found myself at BritMums Live feeling like I used to do, having a laugh and making a friend. It was good to be free of family responsibilities for a while knowing they were perfectly fine. To feel an almost instant connection with someone was joyous, something I had not felt face-to-face for about a decade. To be me and to be accepted for that was amazing.

2. What was the saddest thing to happen?

Strangely, I left BritMums Live after a happy first half of the year and was plunged into horror after horror. Of all these the absolute worst was losing my lovely Dad. It still feels surreal. I sobbed on Boxing Day but not on Christmas Day so it is true that time heals but I will always miss him. He was such a special man and no other man can ever quite measure up in my book.

3. What was the most unlikely thing to happen that actually went ahead and did?

Carrying off speaking in front of lots of people at BritMums Live. When I said yes to the opportunity back in 2011, it was largely through just knowing I had to change something or climb the walls going slowly insane. I was so nervous and was quite selfish in not considering that other speakers may well be too. I trawled blogs afterwards trying to find somebody slating me but nobody did. Either that or I did not find that blog post so all is well.

4. Who let you down?

Extended family members by not grasping just how much I needed support. I will leave it at that.

5. Who supported you?

My husband particularly around the time of my Dad’s death when he put his own grief on hold to tackle mine. You see, they were such great friends. My children who also put me first and my eldest son in particular who spoke to his teacher about how worried he was about me.
Old schoolfriends who are always there on Facebook or at the end of an email. Bloggers – what is it about bloggers and their ability to find the right words at the right time?
Dad right up till the end in practical and emotional ways. I sense him still as good things turn up out of the blue. He is still doing his best for me.

6. Tell us one thing you learned

That there was light at the end of the tunnel in terms of me feeling like I am contributing anything useful to the world.
That I am sometimes more capable of things than I think.
That amazingly some folks do actually think I am OK.
I also learned a little more about valuing my time.

7. Tell us one thing that made you laugh

The stand out moment is meeting @DownSideUp and giggling so much as she posed next to a semi-clad waiter and was just wonderfully funny. That laughter made me feel young again so big thanks to H.

8. Tell us one thing that made you cry

Losing Dad. The truth is I would never have being happy to let him go. My rock has gone and it feels weird and scary.

9. Tell us three things your child or children did to make you feel proud.

My children responded in a wonderful way to their Grandad becoming terminally ill. My eldest son said “We’ll be OK if we just get through it together”. He did not want to visit Granddad in the last weeks and I allowed him that choice knowing it was too much for him. My younger children were there days before Dad passed away and when they last saw him gave him the most gentlest of hugs. As Dad did that disconnect from the world that folks do when they are dying, he remained besotted with his grandchildren.

The way my children behaved at their grandfather’s funeral was so impressive. My youngest tends towards boisterousness and yet stood perfectly with one of his granddad’s medals pinned to his gleaming white shirt. My eldest son also wore another of grandad’s medals and my daughter was in charge of the Police plaque on my dad’s coffin. As I read the eulogy and looked down at them, I knew Dad would be proud of all of us. “Even if you cannot hear my voice, I am still beside you dear”.

Behaviour and performance at school still goes well. My eldest son had a wobble not suprisingly after bereavement, house move and new school within a 3 week period. He is getting back on track now and more imporantly, we are seeing him smile and laugh again.

10. Tell us one thing that made you proud of yourself.

Starting to say yes to opportunities rather than running away from them and indulging in negative self-talk. That one thing led to new friends, success at work and a lovely new home.

I am proud how I wrote and read my Dad’s eulogy. I have never shaken as much but it was very important for me to do it.

I am also glad I went to see Dad’s body at the Chapel of Rest. I bottled this with my late Mum but I respected my Dad so much and wanted to do everything properly. He looked so young lying there with all the tensions of life gone from his face.

11. Tell us one challenge you overcame

I think for this one I can only say the second half of 2012 was a big challenge in so many ways. My heart was not in Christmas but when the Big Day arrived, we had a lovely and peaceful Christmas at home. You can imagine that I am looking forward to closing the year down and moving on. I think 2013 needs to give this family a break so there is my cosmic order in folks!

12. Tell us three things you would like to change about your life in 2013.

1. To become more financially independent

2. To lose weight and get fit. I have lost 11 pounds in 4 weeks so a good start as we hurtle towards a New Year.

3. To have face-to-face friends. One person to be able to go for coffee with even once a week would be lovely.

4. To do better at blogging and also to actively seek other writing and social media opportunities.

5. To continue to break some rules (as in this blog post) because, hey, sometimes rules need breaking and sometimes breaking them is a whole lot of fun.

Over to you. Any blogger can have a go at this one if they fancy reflecting back on the year that was 2012. If you want guidelines, follow the link below or break the rules and do it your way.

13 thoughts on “My personal highs and lows of 2012

  1. Pingback: 2012 – It’s over between us | Sassmouth Mama

  2. Pingback: What were your highs and lows of 2012? Open to all parent bloggers.

  3. What a tough time you’ve had with loosing a parent, can’t begin to think how hard that must be. I’m impressed with your speaking at Britmums and I hope 2013 brings you lots more proud moments for yourself and your family.

  4. Pingback: Highs and Lows of 2012 - Dragons and Fairy Dust

  5. I’ve got a huge lump in my throat reading that. I too cried on boxing day but not on xmas day or my birthday. The week after xmas day was harder than the days leading up to it for me.

  6. You’ve had a really tough year, I really feel for you. But it’s great that, despite that, you still achieved things in 2012 that you didn’t think were possible and you want to carry on in 2013. Here’s to 2013 being a better one for you. See you at Brit Mums Live! X

  7. Great post Kate and a great way to review 2012. Here’s to 2013 being a great year – you should look back on 2012 and feel proud if not just for the Groovy mum’s and how many that has helped but also for becoming so much stronger. X

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